Chat Bots Don't Exist on Xyxizia Prime

SETI recently stumbled across a transmission between a VERY open minded 22 year old female and....well, just read for yourself after the jump.

22:39:17 blonderylee1 

hi!

22:40:22 NEOTOM52345 

Yes.

22:40:29 blonderylee1 

hey whats up? 22/F here. you?

22:40:47 NEOTOM52345 

6/N

22:40:54 blonderylee1 

hmm. have we chatted before?

22:42:33 NEOTOM52345 

Perhaps on the great spaceship XzxYzyl. My people tend to "borrow" humans from time to time. They usually don't remember. Are the memory beams wearing off?

22:42:42 blonderylee1 

oh ok. i wasnt sure. anyways.. whats up?

22:44:34 NEOTOM52345 

Well, currently me. I am conducting a social experiment in high orbit. Our vessel is slowly altering the stock markets of your world to test how humans respond to losing this imaginary currency they seem so attached to.

22:44:43 blonderylee1 

im Iike so boreddddddddd.... theres nothing to do

22:44:55 blonderylee1 

ohhh wait! i got a idea. have you ever watched a girI strip on a cam before?

22:45:46 NEOTOM52345 

Live cam? No. We do strip all subjects before we begin the testing, though. Does that count?

22:45:56 blonderylee1 

weIIIIIIII...... do you want to watch me strip?

22:47:03 NEOTOM52345 

I'm afraid my scientific duties call. The plasma matrix has become unstable again, and I must constantly monitor it.

22:47:19 blonderylee1 

yeah? ok weII you have to sign up on this site my cam is Iinked through so i cant be recorded.

22:47:27 blonderylee1 

it onIy takes a minute and its free ok?

22:50:34 NEOTOM52345 

OH! This is a silly human 'consumer' gimmick! Your Earth customs baffle me sometimes! I can access any secret your relatively primitive technology has to offer with a swish of my tentacle. I have no need for your 'sites' and your 'frees'.

22:50:46 blonderylee1 

http://twurl.nl/ppthm2 go there then cIick on the goId JOIN FREE button at the top.

22:50:51 blonderylee1 

k?

22:52:30 NEOTOM52345 

But I just proclaimed...don't you understand the enormity of...why would I...well, I am kind of bored I guess. I don't see the harm in analyzing human video conference technology.

22:52:47 blonderylee1 

aIso it does ask for a credit card but thats how they keep kids out. it does not charge the card. ok?

22:55:29 NEOTOM52345 

Do they accept Xyzalian Metaspress? I only have 50,000 work units, but...Oh, I see. This is a tribal, coming of age demonstration. Very well. I will just have to link you to the homeworld's supernet to process the credit chit.

22:55:44 blonderylee1 

ok babe weII hurry up and when you get Iogged in then you can view my cam and we can have some fun!

22:55:58 blonderylee1 

i aIso have some toys but you have to tip me some goId or join me in private to see those.

23:00:28 NEOTOM52345 

Hmm. I believe I see through your ruse. 'Toys' are for Earth children. Should I accept and give you precious metals for it, I fail the challenge for manhood. Much like the P'thtaki clan of Rigel IV. Silly, silly human tricks. Our mighty race is much to smart to fall for your simple deceits.

23:00:38 blonderylee1 

hey Iets taIk on there babe. my messenger is messing up.

23:01:53 NEOTOM52345

I see. I will commence video conference posthaste!

GREAT OVERLORDS! That is disgusting! Forget first contact. You were THIS close to joining the Great Galactic Hedgemony and soaring among the stars, but no. Clearly you humans are not much more evolved than the other simians on your planet. We are taking the Dolphins and leaving. Good Riddance.

It must be assumed from this conversation that aliens talk to roving porn chat bots so often that chat bots are completely unfazed by contact with extraterrestrial beings.

Good to know.


(Yes, I really had an entire conversation with a spam bot as an alien. What do YOU do with your free time? )