Screw PC Gaming

Prepare for a rage post, guys. Back in August, a small game came out, rather obscure, maybe you've heard of it, called Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Now, normally I'm a console gamer, but something like Deus Ex demands you experience it as the original was played, on a PC. This is where I made my first mistake. Read on to discover the horrors of relearning the PC gaming world.

A bit literal, but apt.

See, console gaming is easy. You put the game in the slot, and 99% of the time, the game will work. You don't need to wait a half hour to install it (with exceptions), you don't need to deal with other programs, you don't need an internet connection, you just play the damn game. 


Having strayed from PC in the past couple of years, I didn't realize that the landscape had changed so dramatically. Let's go back to Deus Ex. I get home with my shiny new Augmented Edition in my hands (I'm a sucker for collector's editions), and I pop it into my computer. And then Steam pops up. Yes, for those of you who are veteran PC gamers, you know that Steam is the place you go to play almost all of your games. But for me, I was used to the game opening in it's own window. Now I have to go through an extra program to play my game? That's fine, I guess. You need to be connected to the internet, but it's not like there are periods where I'm not, so I don't see a problem.


Then it starts to install. From Steam. "What?," I ask my silent computer, "I have the disc. Why are you downloading this huge game from the internet when the disc is right there? FORTY-FIVE MINUTES? FOR A 9 GB INSTALL?" And that's when I got my first taste of true PC gaming. Waiting. Wait for it to install. Wait for the patches to come out. Wait for Steam to start. Wait for the computer to restart after it freezes. Wait for the memory test to finish. Wait the mandatory 3 days for the background check to get the gun to shoot the computer. Everything is about waiting.


I finally get onto the game the next day, and it's good. Except that for the entire opening part the game is chugging. I figured my PC was up to snuff. I have an Alienware, and while it's not top of the line, it has handled everything I threw at it so far. Even The Witcher 2. Have you seen that game? Even on the medium settings you would swear a wizard switched your monitor with a window into another realm.

Yeah, it really does look this good.

So why was Deus Ex chugging? Despite the trailers and previous footage, the game didn't look that good (which isn't to say it doesn't look good. It looks great, just not Witcher 2 good.). So, wanting the best gameplay experience possible, I did what any normal person would do. Spend $200 on a brand new processor. So I Wait a few days, and find out my motherboard is incompatible with the new processor. My fault, but still pissed. So, I took the easy way out and returned it, settling for my decent graphics. NO, OF COURSE NOT. I bought a new motherboard too. So far, I've spent over $300. Keep that in mind.


Finally, with my new setup...uh, set up, everything patched, drivers updated, I go to play Deus Ex. And Steam won't let me. Imagine coming home after a long day, and going to unlock your front door, and the door says, "Your house is unavailable. Please try again later." "But it's right there! I was in there earlier! I can see it!" But your door just gives you the same cold, unhelpful answer. That was basically what happened. Even though the game was installed, and it worked before, Steam decided, "Nah, I don't feel like it today," and wouldn't let me play my game. I calmly and rationally worked out the problem, and was finally able to get the game working again. 

Calmly and rationally.

I'm finally playing again, after about a week. I am sneaking through a warehouse in New Detroit now. Guards are making their rounds, but I stealthily take them out with ease. I finally get to a cutscene. We see our main antagonists. They are discussing their evil plans and BMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

That is the sound a computer makes when it is taunting you with a frozen screen. Time and time again, when I got to that cutscene, the game would freeze. I don't know why, and to this day am not fully sure. Apparently there was something with Nvidia cards. The point is, I was stuck again, and now I had to wait for the patch. In fact, my computer still freezes all the time, and I haven't the slightest idea why.


But that was August. Why all the rage now? Perhaps you are familiar with Battlefield 3? EA was so kind as to invite me to both the Alpha and Beta for the PC multiplayer. Although I am not really a big fan of multiplayer, I loved it here. I had a much better time with it than with any Call of Duty session I've ever played. Battlefield 3 multiplayer has an objective based system that is very dynamic and adds a sense of accomplishment to winning that I never got from Call of Duty. I was looking forward to playing the full retail version, again for PC.


The game was released on Tuesday. It is Thursday. I still have not been able to play it. Whereas last time many of my Woes came from Steam, in this instance, it is from EA's Origin service. Instead of letting me install the game from the 2 discs I BOUGHT, EA insisted it be downloaded through Origin. After 2 HOURS, the game finally installed. I go to play, and, say it with me, it wouldn't run. This time it's some silly problem with activation. Had I bought the game for console, I would have already had 2 days of playtime. But because I insisted on PC I now have a product that doesn't work, plain and simple. EA has sold me a product, and it is not doing it's advertised function. If I had wanted to play the game LATER, I would have bought it LATER. I bought it when I did because I wanted to play it THEN. 

The reason for this article. A harbinger of death and destruction. 

Look, the whole point of this article is PC gaming sucks. Sure, PC gaming is basically already a generation ahead of console when it comes to technology, but it doesn't really matter if i can't play the damn game I bought. I'd throw Battlefield 3 in the garbage if I hadn't spent over $400 dollars in new processors, motherboards, RAM, and coolers. Now, quitting would be tantamount to admitting I wasted enough money to go out and buy a new Xbox and another copy of Battlefield 3, which, in hindsight, would probably have been a better investment of time and money.


If you'd like to throw in your 2 cents on the pros and cons of PC gaming, go right ahead. Right now, I'm going to play some Batman: Arkham City on my 360, which, incidentally, works.